Have you ever wished you could talk to your younger self? Turn back time and rewrite certain paths about your life?
I’m not talking about monumental changes in career or marriage or anything like that. I’m talking about physical health and wellness overall. I sure do!
Here is some of the conversation I would totally have, tears and all.
A Conversation with My Younger Self
When I was in kindergarten I was the tallest girl in my class. Scratch that – I was the tallest kid in my class and most of the school. At least a head taller than everyone until I was in the seventh grade. Then I started filling out with curves that a young girl didn’t understand.
When I was in high school as a teenager, I was extremely self-conscious about my size. I was extremely active my entire life. Played sports, was constantly on the move. But I was just built muscular and with curves. Unlike any other girl I knew.
It was uncomfortable and I never felt like I fit in. And certainly none of the guys wanted anything to do with me because they like the smaller, thinner girls. Definitely not the ones that could throw a punch, play football and softball, play 1st chair Flute, and sing in the choir.
How I wish I could go back and tell myself how awesome she was. How when you would grow up and get older men would die for those curves. To be proud of your body and embrace the curves, not feel shame and bury yourself in food and bad habits that slowly crept up on you.
And On to Healing Today
After so much time of being frustrated and hating my body, not understanding why nothing I did or do make much of a difference, I’m just tired. I want to release whatever it is that made me this way. I don’t know what made me a compulsive eater, or someone that just stopped caring. At some point. I just gave up.
Maybe it has to do with men and not finding anyone until later in life that accepted me as I am. Maybe it has to do with my own inner turmoil. I’m just ashamed and disgusted of how I let myself get so far gone. Who knows. All I can really try to focus on healing myself and allowing myself to let go and be who I am.
I thought about that a few months ago when we were at a concert. I wanted to stand up and dance so badly but I was embarrassed and was only thinking about what others would think.
At the same time I was telling myself why do I give a crap what other people think? They don’t know me. They don’t know I love to dance and move and have a good time. So why am I holding myself back?
So I told myself then I’m done with it! I’m going to stand up and dance and enjoy myself. And I did!
Now I just need to keep that momentum and keep doing that. Not change my eating habits because I should but because I want to. I want to find a place within where I am comfortable and accept my messed up body. Because it is messed up now to do all those poor choices over the years.
I’m old. Lol. But I’m not down and out. I still have a lot of life in me. I still have goals. I want to travel with my son. I want to fly to wherever he happens to be. I want to hike and explore. I want to go to the beach and just sit there because I can and not worry about people talking shit.
We Deserve the Freedom!
I know there are people reading this that are gonna recognize exactly what I’m talking about and you know what? We all deserve the freedom to be who we want to be. I’m tired of hiding who I really am and letting other peoples opinion form my actions. I’m tired of my shame in my body holding me back.
So onward to healthier choices. Dancing because I want to. To getting in the car going to sit on the beach because I can and even going for a walk or a jog – well, let’s not get carried away!! Maybe some volleyball would be good or softball – I used to play the hell out of that.
Look down deep and get up out of that chair with me and let’s make a difference in our life.
Let’s take control and stop giving control!
Let’s tell our younger self that we’re gonna be fine and we’re proud of her for everything that she went through to get to where she is today. Be that girl.
I am currently using the Eat Like a Bear plan to help me control my eating… But movement is becoming a required action this year. Come along with me!
Leave some thoughts below to help encourage me please. Are you in??
Hi! I’m Chris! Just a Midlife Wife sharing about life’s journey; screaming and kicking through it while supposedly aging gracefully…
Focusing on healthy living, low carb & keto, things I am loving right now, and life in general.